It’s A Gross Feeling

I had a brief chat with Kim this morning about my decision to switch to a pump. In the middle of our conversation I made the observation that “the real shame in all of this is in the back of my mind I keep thinking ‘this will give me something to write about on my blog’.” Followed quickly by “it’s a gross feeling”.

Not that I need to justify my actions to you, my eager-readers, but this has been on my mind since I mentally committed to switching to an insulin pump a few weeks ago. So here I am, trying to noodle this out with you.

This blog is not a business. I don’t have any sponsors. I don’t run ads. There is no revenue resulting from the content I put up on this blog. I have no financial incentive to post here every day.

I write, in part, to connect with other people impacted by diabetes. I write because it helps me cope with living with an incurable disease. I write because sometimes it’s fun. I write because everyone needs a place to share cat pictures every now and then.

And yet, I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t ignore that I’ve built up a following for one reason or another. I’ve built up a “brand” (it pains me to type that). After all of these years, people listen to what I have to say from time to time. It’s a good feeling.

When I first started using the Dexcom G4, I couldn’t wait to post impressions as soon as possible because I wanted to be part of that zeitgeist. Yes, FOMO is real. Do I think my initial thoughts and follow up impressions about the G4 are still worthwhile? Absolutely. Relative to most of the nonsense I post here, I think it’s some of the best stuff I’ve published in quite some time. But I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge the opportunistic nature of that content. This isn’t a business, but I know how the game is played.

So while I’m looking forward to what wearing an insulin pump will do for my diabetes management and my overall health, unfortunately I’m already planning how I’m going to write about all this stuff when the time comes. It feels gross considering the reality of the situation. Insulin pumps are not cheap, and insurance is still a headache for a good number of people out there (even with the ACA on their sides).

I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I want to get these feelings out in the open. It feels grimey to look at this significant change and meaningful milestone in my diabetes management as blog fodder. But I’m not sure how else to address this stuff. I’m not sure how to end this post, so I’ll just leave this here.

2 thoughts on “It’s A Gross Feeling

  1. Glad you wrote on it, Chris. Important thoughts. It is a reality of the situation, especially since there are so many blogs out there among all the other D-writing and sites and so on. Most of the time, when I write on my personal blog, it’s exactly the same reason — to get out how I feel then (even if I’m not even sure), pretty much unfiltered and to work out how I go about things. I write it for myself, and to me that’s the best “therapy” there is. But I do the same and have those same feelings about “this would make a good blog” not because I’m after readers, but because it kind of helps me process and cope and even make light of the oh-so-serious nature. And over the past couple years, I’ve really been trying to not focus on the big picture in my own personal writing because there’s so many sides to every story. And I just want to write what I think and feel, and connect with anyone who cares to read it. So, I’m glad to see your voice and know you’re doing this for yourself, and I will personally look forward to your thoughts on the MDI to insulin pump transition. Good luck, bud.

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  2. Thanks for posting and also for pointing out to me that you just post to post. Just keep being honest. I hope the pump ends up being for you more than just blog fodder.

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