I’m not sure if it’s tunnel vision to my move, looking forward to the holiday break, or a general apathy toward my diabetes, but my self care has taken a tumble lately. For whatever reason, I am forgetting my mealtime bolus on a regular basis.

Actually, “forgetting” isn’t the right word for what this is. I simply don’t make time for it. I’m viewing eating as a roadblock on my path to whatever it is I need to do next rather than an opportunity to relax and enjoy a (potentially) good meal. Instead I test my blood sugar, think about the proper insulin dosage, eat, and then carry on with whatever I was doing.

Only after my Dexcom high alarm goes off…a second time after I’ve ignored the initial buzzing do I take my Humalog. Of course by now my meal has had a significant head start in the race to elevated blood sugar levels, so I have to take a larger-than-normal amount of insulin to try to get back to target numbers. The increased bolus means I’m likely to go low in the coming hours after my plateau, likely resulting in an overcorrection from the other side of things, sending me back above 250 mg/dL.

This has been my routine for at least a month now.

It’s not good.

I know I’m capable of better, but I’d rather focus on getting me and the cats ready for our drive.

I need to be better.