I tend to think of my over-sharing of Dexcom photos as a form of accountability. By being open about my highs and lows I think it helps keep a degree of focus about my diabetes management. That was part of the reason for starting the Daily Dexcom Tumblr – to show genuine ups and downs of this disease, as told by Dexcom graphs (and potentially pretentious image filters). But what happens when I start to second-guess my decision to share? What happens when I hold back?
The image above is only 24-hours, but I assure you that the past week has been like this. Numbers far too high for anyone’s comfort. Dramatic dips and inclines revealing poorly calculated corrections from either end of the spectrum. There’s been a general lack of enthusiasm with my diabetes management and it’s been particularly tough to look my Dexcom in the ey…display lately because I know it’s not going to share anything encouraging with me. And despite all of this, despite all the evidence indicating I need to get my butt back in line – I don’t care.
My best guess is that last week’s mini-vacation to Rehoboth started in my head about 7 days prior. When I’m on vacation I typically try not to worry as much about my blood glucose levels like I would at home. Timetables are shifted when you’re on vacation. Naps last a little bit longer. Meals are a little less healthy. Time tries to slow down so moments can be enjoyed. Diabetes tends to take the furthest possible seat that’s safe in my priority seating chart. I will bolus for food, and try not to overcorrect one way or another, but the stress of diabetes management is not welcome at the beach. Even if that means I have to climb a few bg-mountains in the process.
I know I’ll find my way back on the path. I always do. It just feels like it’s going to take a little extra effort this time around. I hope this won’t always be the case.