I have an endocrinologist appointment on Tuesday and, for a minute or two after I received my week-before-your-appointment phone call, I almost thought about canceling. It’s gotten to the point where I find so little value in my 12-15 minute conversations with my endocrinologist that the struggle to find purpose and motivation to go through with the appointment.

I feel bad devaluing all of the work I’m sure my endocrinologist put in going through Med School and residency and everything it takes to have his own practice. But right now he is a means to quarterly bloodwork and prescription re-ups when I need them – nothing more. Perhaps that makes me a “good patient” in his eyes since I don’t bring any drama to my appointments. I show up on time, shake hands, smile (if I can muster it) and I’m on my way. Or maybe it really is time for a change.

If I can’t think of any meaningful reason to see my doctor every three months besides a number at, or hopefully below 7.0, is that on me or him? Could my perspective improve if I felt better about my relationship with my endocrinologist? I’m hesitant to say yes because I feel confident about my current diabetes management methods. Is it possible that some big breakthrough in blood glucose control is a patient referral away? Yes, but longtime readers know that I’m hesitant to change – see: splitting my Lantus between mornings and evenings.

I’m not sure where to go with all of this, but I feel a change coming…soon.