I’ve written before about obsessing over “the line” so much that it runs the risk of defeating the purpose of having technology like the Dexcom G4. What’s the point in cheating the system when you are the system?

I recently realized a spin-off to this problem that I’m sure is no surprise to any of you reading this, but it’s something that I hope to correct. If the first step is admitting you have a problem, hopefully these sentences will put me on the right path.

I intentionally don’t test my blood glucose when I know it’s “out of range” until my Dexcom receiver suggests a more “positive” reading.

Now that I’m on Team iBGStar, I have faster access to actionable data. Naturally, this frightens me because I often don’t want to know the truth behind my diabetes management. Rather than embrace my numbers and find opportunities for improvement, I will try to cheat the system and fudge the data so it only shows my diabetes when it’s in control. What good is that? If I’m not using these tools to identify areas of improvement, what good is all of the flair, glitz, and fuss?

This isn’t how my diabetes should be managed. I know this. And yet I still focus on the big picture, the long term intangibles rather than address the small steps that can be better managed on a day-to-day basis.

This is a problem.

This is a big problem. But I’m not sure how I can remedy this when my mind is my biggest barrier to improving my diabetes management.

Seriously. No one said anything about this when I was diagnosed. Of course, even if they did I don’t think I would have paid any attention to it at the time.