I had grander plans for today’s post, but I’m still a bit frazzled by the previous night’s shenanigans. The more I think about it, the more it scares me. The only reason I caught that 36 was because my CGM was asking for a calibration. There were no alarms from under my pillow letting me know something was not right. What’s worse is that my fail-safe, my own body’s ability to feel lows didn’t kick in. Only after I started correcting did I finally feel something amiss. I guess that means I didn’t really catch anything at all.
This could be a fluke, but I’m afraid that my ability to feel lows as they happen is starting to wither away. Maybe I already have too many “miles on my tires”, maybe I mistook my sweating for being too hot in my bed. Maybe I’m relying too much on my Dexcom to do the work for me that I’m losing my touch. I know I’m not using the most technical terms as I talk about this but this where my mind is right now so please forgive me for being incredibly basic. And now with the most recent tragedies within the DOC, my overnight 36 has a lot more gravitas than if this happened a month ago, or a week ago.
I hate that something like this has to reinforce the seriousness of this disease. I hate that I was afraid to go to sleep last night for fear of a repeat episode. Most of the time I can just go along my day and worry about normal stuff like what I’m going to wear to work or what I’m going to eat for lunch, but then Diabetes has to show up and demand all kinds of attention. Some days I really hate this stuff.
This will not deter my efforts for tighter control. I will take stronger precautions at night and double check that low-correcting supplies are at my finger tips because I am stronger than this disease. I will not let this consume me in fear.