Controlled Overdose

I’m incredibly frustrated with my Diabetes management lately. The worst part is that it feels like I’m doing everything in my power to keep my body in range, but it doesn’t seem to matter. How can I play this “game” when the other side doesn’t care about the rules? What good is all of this obsession over control when lately I have no idea what control even feels like?

Yes, I’m talking about my Lantus injection. Or as I now call it, a “Controlled Overdose.” Starting last Friday, I managed to be woken up by lows at or below 60 for 3 consecutive days. I had reached a peaceful acceptance with being around 250 between 11 and 12, knowing that I’d wake up around 100. If all my numbers throughout the day are solid and the only spike is the intended overnight nonsense, then I will have a solid case to present to Not House. But it’s starting to take its toll. I don’t want to force an extra snack because the prescribed dosage is too much. I don’t want to go to sleep knowing that I’ll be forced awake earlier than intended because 21 units is overkill.

However, I’m also very hesitant to do something about it right now, on my own. His name is on the prescription too. I know it’s my body, I should know better, but he is a doctor right? I know there’s supposed to be some kind of interaction. Some kind of back and forth to find that happy balance in my life, but right now it’s me and my body on the chopping block. I’m the one trying to deal with this crap, not him. And despite all my frustrations, all my concerns, I’m going to wait until my scheduled appointment in March to talk to him about it.

Because I’m afraid.

I know I’m going about this wrong. I know there are 1000 other things I could do to fix the problems that I have clearly identified, but it’s not going to happen. Nobody is perfect. And if you needed any evidence, look no further. I know I’m going about this wrong.

I’ve heard that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So yes, Diabetes is driving me insane.

If you need a pick-me-up after that depressing blog post, check me out on UncleGamer Radio (Direct download – http://media.libsyn.com/media/unclegamer/ug-ep124-sword_n_shield.mp3).

and Post Game Report (Direct download – http://media.libsyn.com/media/joebeta/PGR77_23-Oct-2009_mp3.mp3).

PS. I’ll be recording my next episode of Just Talking tonight. I know you’re excited.

6 thoughts on “Controlled Overdose

  1. I understand your frustration, although mine goes in the other direction – Dr and I upped lantus to deal w Dawn Phenom., and it worked, but I was low all day. I reduced it again without consent. I’ll be pumping in the next couple weeks so my lantus dose won’t matter, but lantus is a tricky trickster. I hope you can get it figured out soon. D is trial and Error, you know this. Later homes

    Sarah

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  2. And the past two days I’ve woken up low for no reason. Really, after how long and all of a sudden something is different? I’ve no doubt I’ve been insane for over 24 years. Ok, this is not helping or positive…hmmm…this 308 rebound has me in a bit of a bad mood.

    I think I’ve said, written, before, only you know you and your body. It’s your decision no matter what. Do what you need to.

    Here’s to no more lows in the morning [clicking slippers together].

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  3. You’re not alone with those frustrations! Doing the same thing over and over–sounds like diabetes management. Expecting different results–yep, every single day. It’s the very definition of insanity, and we’re living it.

    250 at night, 100 in the morning. Wow! I spent some time last year during a pump vacation figuring out Lantus and I remember very well that “22-hour” coverage problem you’re talking about here and trying to solve with an overdose. Yuck. I absolutely had to split my Lantus dose into morning and evening shots–my doctor didn’t suggest it but so many DOC members mentioned this solution that I figured it was worth a try. Seems Lantus doesn’t last 24 full hours for every body…your mileage may vary, and probably does.

    Best of luck. Love your writing.

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  4. Hey Chris,

    I totally understand wanting to wait on your doc to make changes. In fact, the endo I had growing up would get upset with me if I did otherwise. For me though, there came a point when I simply couldn’t wait on my doctor anymore.

    Would your doctor be willing to see you before your next scheduled appointment?

    I always try to get ‘rule-of-thumb’ suggestions for adjusting my insulin when I’m with my endo. That way I sort of have his “blessing” to make slight changes when I’m on my own. Doing this gives me a lot more freedom and it means I’m not simply altering my dosages on a whim. I have a solid, endo-approved, rule-of-thumb to work from =)

    L.

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  5. I do hope you find some aspect of your regimen that you’re OK changing, but in the meantime, since you’re my friend, here’s me being super honest…

    I’m frustrated standing by and watching you insist on trying to slam that square peg through the round hole.

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