I’m incredibly frustrated with my Diabetes management lately. The worst part is that it feels like I’m doing everything in my power to keep my body in range, but it doesn’t seem to matter. How can I play this “game” when the other side doesn’t care about the rules? What good is all of this obsession over control when lately I have no idea what control even feels like?
Yes, I’m talking about my Lantus injection. Or as I now call it, a “Controlled Overdose.” Starting last Friday, I managed to be woken up by lows at or below 60 for 3 consecutive days. I had reached a peaceful acceptance with being around 250 between 11 and 12, knowing that I’d wake up around 100. If all my numbers throughout the day are solid and the only spike is the intended overnight nonsense, then I will have a solid case to present to Not House. But it’s starting to take its toll. I don’t want to force an extra snack because the prescribed dosage is too much. I don’t want to go to sleep knowing that I’ll be forced awake earlier than intended because 21 units is overkill.
However, I’m also very hesitant to do something about it right now, on my own. His name is on the prescription too. I know it’s my body, I should know better, but he is a doctor right? I know there’s supposed to be some kind of interaction. Some kind of back and forth to find that happy balance in my life, but right now it’s me and my body on the chopping block. I’m the one trying to deal with this crap, not him. And despite all my frustrations, all my concerns, I’m going to wait until my scheduled appointment in March to talk to him about it.
Because I’m afraid.
I know I’m going about this wrong. I know there are 1000 other things I could do to fix the problems that I have clearly identified, but it’s not going to happen. Nobody is perfect. And if you needed any evidence, look no further. I know I’m going about this wrong.
I’ve heard that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So yes, Diabetes is driving me insane.
If you need a pick-me-up after that depressing blog post, check me out on UncleGamer Radio (Direct download – http://media.libsyn.com/media/unclegamer/ug-ep124-sword_n_shield.mp3).
and Post Game Report (Direct download – http://media.libsyn.com/media/joebeta/PGR77_23-Oct-2009_mp3.mp3).
PS. I’ll be recording my next episode of Just Talking tonight. I know you’re excited.