I know I’ve been at this whole Diabetes thing a relatively short time compared to a lot of you out there. 6.5 years doesn’t really have the same ring to it as “since I was 5” or something like that. But I’ve been stabbing myself in the stomach, arm, finger long enough to be as comfortable with all that Diabetes management requires of me mentally. Of course that doesn’t mean that mentally I’m always on board with what has to be done, but I’m at least aware of the necessary tasks.
So I guess this is a question to the more senior members of the Wilford Brimely Fan Club: Do you still hesitate before checking your blood sugar? When I queue up a new test strip for Bart Allen (FreeStyle Flash…The Flash…get it??? awww forget it) and hear the little *click* as the lancet is locked and loaded for duty, sometimes I hesitate before I press the button. I’ll brace for impact. Sometimes I squint, and half look away. I know what is going to happen, I’ve done this umteen-gagillion times before and it still makes me uneasy at times. Is that weird?
I’ve been giving myself 4 injections a day since diagnosis, yet there are still times where I’ll sit there with my insulin pen ready to go and I’ll think about what I am doing. Under any other circumstance, what we do to live…to survive would be described as self mutilation. The lengths we go to live a long and healthy life, at its core are quite violent. On paper, it sounds like a snuff film. Of course, under the umbrella of medicine it’s completely normal. There’s nothing to hesitate about. We do what must be done. Anakin, I have the high ground!
I call injections “stabbing” because I have a rather twisted sense of humor. I have no doubt that I am an acquired taste. But it’s part of my way of dealing…of coping. This thing isn’t going away any time soon, so I’m going to live with Diabetes on my terms, in my words. Diabetes may have changed the rules of the game, but I’m the one playing.
And I don’t like to lose.