It’s a Secret

I’ve met some pretty interesting people on the Internet since I started this whole blog/twitter thing. To be as cliche as possible, it has been an eye-opening experience. But it’s not us the people that have been interesting, but being exposed to the interests they choose to share to the world. It’s like trying a new food, but with a keyboard and a monitor. it’s a stretch, but I think you know where I was trying to go with that one.

That being said, I have 2 recommendations for you if you have not done so already. Follow Tabatha, and put PostSecret in your RSS Reader. Tabatha has been posting Sunday Secrets for the past month and after seeing the select few she wants to share, I decided to check out the full site. An hour later I am still drawn in to these submissions.

It feels kind of sick to have such an infatuation with the secrets people are willing to divulge to complete strangers. Some with the hope that they are seen by the specific people they are meant for, but the majority are just a free venting opportunity. It’s quite telling how similar most of these secrets are, considering how diverse our country is that you could divide each of these post cards into a hand full of categories.

I think that part of my new-found obsession is that this specific medium for getting deeply personal snippets of one’s life is something that I feel like I could seriously benefit from. I hold back a lot. A LOT. I do acknowledge that this blog has helped with some of my self confidence issues, but baby steps in a marathon isn’t really monumental progress. Sometimes I wonder if I could even be completely honest in a therapy session, with a trained professional bound by confidentiality simply because I don’t know how to be completely honest with myself at times. If I can’t admit things to myself, what good would sitting on a couch do? I’ve previously mentioned my lack of a meaningful relationship with anyone, I’m sure that has something to do with it. Or at least that’s the reason I have come to repeat in my head when I search for a rational explanation. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy though, if I am afraid to be open and honest, I wont find anyone to be open and honest with; a vicious cycle.

A simple example perhaps. When I was initially diagnosed, I vaguely remember going over the basics with Nate (you remember him right?). After that, I was essentially on my own. I never really talked to anyone throughout college about what Diabetes was like. After answering simple questions about what I am and am not allowed to eat (which I hate), that’s all my conversations about Diabetes would ever entail, with anyone. I never talked to Nate about my frustrations, and as a result, he never thought to ask. I’m sure he had inclinations about my frustrations and difficulties, and I have no doubt he would have been there for me if I asked for help, but I never thought this was something I couldn’t handle on my own. Like many other battles I have faced, and will continue to face I often choose the lonely road. Now I’ve resorted to sharing my issues with complete strangers.

Don’t get me wrong, I love you guys (and ladies). But it’s not the same as having a heart-to-heart with someone right in front of you. This is one of those big steps that I need to work on. I have to move past my fears, numerous they are and make a heart-felt effort to the fabled “better version of me.” Something that, despite my deepest wishes, cannot be accomplished through the simple act of a blog post.

One thought on “It’s a Secret

  1. I’ve seen that site. It’s very, very interesting.

    I agree with you on the “…simply because I don’t know how to be completely honest with myself at times.”

    Being honest with yourself first is important for all aspects of your overall health.

    Your blog is great. Keep it up.



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