Time for another “knock on wood” post. My next endocrinologist appointment is at the end of August. Most of the time I have feared my appointments with Dr. H (Not House) because I know I’ll be walking into a lecture. Yes, I know I need to do a better job. Yes, I know the future risks and potential complications. No, I do not need any new prescriptions. Yes, I’d like to schedule my next appointment for the same time of the day if possible.
My last appointment was a different story. Having taken a more serious effort at control I knew that whatever my a1c, it would be a significant improvement from my last results. I have continued to work vigilantly to improve my control, sometimes to a fault, or to what some might see as an extreme. But I figure since my life is more or less on the line, I have to try this hard. There is no “or else.”
Since my last appointment with Dr. Not House, my numbers have continued to drop (for the better) and overall I have seen very few extreme spikes. I am still dealing with some post-breakfast lows during the work week, but I think that has to do with the amount, or lack of amount of food I am eating in the mornings. It’s a work in progress. My point though, is that I wish I could just get my a1c taken now. I want to show Dr. Not House that my last appointment was not a fluke. I don’t necessarily need his approval for this thing, but I talk to him more than I talk to my parents about my Diabetes. So looking for some kind of validation of my effort through his responses isn’t entirely illogical.
Of course, even if I did get my blood drawn, and my test results came back fantastic this would not been the end of it. Best case scenario I hear, “great work, keep it up.” I wish this thing were like an exam. You take it, and if you pass, that’s that. If you fail, you try again. Ok, maybe an exam from like freshman year of high school, but I think you get the point. There is no end game with Diabetes. As hard as I work to maintain this control, I can’t just say “ok, I figured it out, I’m done.” As much as I would like to claim mastery over this thing, it will never happen. Maybe a solid understanding, but not mastery. Even if I ((air quotes)) “pass” my next endocrinology appointment, I still have to do it all over again. And again. And again. And again.
Wilford is relentless.