Kanye West

I’ve had diabetes for over 6 years, making me a relative noob compared to others I’ve found in the twitterverse and other online capacities. Even in those 6 years, I’ve run through quite a few different emotional phases of dealing with disease. Among the most frequented were/are acceptance and apathy. However I don’t ever recall one of those emotions being denial or anger.

I don’t remember every detail of my weekend in the hospital during my diagnosis. I remember worrying about my Multivariable Calculus exam that I was going to have to make up. I remember freaking about at how much a single slice of bread affected me diabetically speaking. I remember confusion after testing my blood sugar levels after a crappy hospital meal, and not understanding why my numbers were fluctuating so much. I remember being instructed to fill my syringe with cloudy before clear (Humalin then Humalog) for my morning and evening injections. But through all of that, I don’t remember saying of even thinking two specific words, “why me?”

I never questioned the diagnosis. I never had a religious moment questioning God’s plan (I wont even elaborate on anything in that neck of the woods). I don’t want to say that I was fearless, but I think I was just concerned about learned what I needed to know so I could get back to Blacksburg as soon as possible. Because there was never a true adjustment period with all that diabetes meant, I just accepted it and moved on. The Five Stages of Grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I think it’s possible that I went right from diagnosis to acceptance. After all, what good would it have done me to be so concerned about something I had no control over?

I’ve never had a soul searching moment specifically about my diabetes, and I’m wondering if that makes me a cold hearted bastard. Diabetes is a big deal, I know it, you know it, and the American people know it. But I don’t think I’ve ever really internally addressed that fact. It’s not that I don’t care, I just don’t have the time to dwell. Diabetes isn’t going anywhere, a peaceful coexistence is probably the best course of action. Is there something wrong with me because I never had a heart to heart with my non-functioning pancreas? Am I in denial about being in denial? Could I be that heartless?

4 thoughts on “Kanye West

  1. Hey Chris,

    A peaceful coexistence is most definitely the best course of action, and it’s great that you find yourself there most of the time.

    I have found through my years that those stages of grief and loss can and will resurface with varying degree and intensity, and often at the most unexpected times.

    Be strong young grasshopper! 🙂

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  2. If we were the exact same age, diagnosed on the exact same day, and lived on the same street, I think each one of us would deal with it differently. When I was diagnosed I was not living in a healthy environment which did not help me in dealing with my diagnosis.

    I think however you deal with your disease is your own. And it is just as valid as those of us that flipped out. 🙂

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  3. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. You can’t change your condition and you accept it.

    I went through some of the stages…. Denial ya for about 2 seconds. Time enough for me to ask if they were sure and if there was a possibility of a mistake. The look in their eyes, gave me the answer.

    Anger…. oh ya I had that. I still do at times. Now I just accept that it is what it is. I can’t change it. As much as I would do anything to take it from him, I can’t. So I accept that I can’t change it but I do my best to control it.

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