Skeptic Diabetic
According to Hal Jordan, I spent the past 24 hours well within whatever it thinks the desired range is. No high alarms for 1,440 minutes. Only a handful of low alarms over the course of 86,400 seconds. And yet, despite the data…despite the fact that I took a picture of the graph (since pictures last longer)…I don’t believe it.
Last time we spoke about the Dexcom Continuous Glucose Monitor I tried to explain the “panic mode” that I can get caught up in from time to time. The opposite feeling of panic, at least when it comes to my own management and interpretation of the data is disbelief. Whenever I display tangible control for any amount of time I become skeptical. I don’t believe that my blood glucose will stay consistent. I start to anticipate a sudden drop that I will need to treat with a piece of candy. I’m on the lookout for any indication that I’m beginning to climb Mt. Glucose and will need to correct that accordingly.
I see, but I don't believe...
I can never sit back and simply appreciate the possibility that I might know what I’m doing.
How is it that Diabetes can win all sides of this endless war? Fear consumes me when I get low. Frustration fuels me when I’m high. Doubt looms over me when everything appears to be going well. Simply put: I cannot win.
I know part, if not most of this rests in my ability to be mentally tough. If you’re reading this then you probably know that living with this disease is not easy. You have to be strong. Really strong. And yet I believe my 6-hour graph sitting at 90 is a fluke, not a trend. Obviously proper diabetes management requires a great deal of preparation, but why must that preparation include waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Even your Dexcom is saying “???” like it doesn’t believe itself? LOL! =P I know that’s just the transmitter not connecting, but I find it ironic that your skepticism is also captured in your picture.
I hear ya. I spent most of yesterday in range, w/ only 1 spike in the morning. In fact, I never got over 150, other than that crazy spike. But I just waited. Because the one thing I’ve learned in 24 years of diabetes is that the only consistent thing about it is that it’s inconsistent.
After reading a majority of A Consequence of Hypoglycemia, I feel as though you have a unique gift to share with the world. Amid the struggles, triumphs, rock bottom failures, and fruitless successes, I see a magnitude of knowledge and personal courage. I find that you are a model human being who is not defined by the limitations of diabetes but one who walks side by side with it and even through all the frustrations, you are in charge of your life. I just want to express my gratitude to you and say that even though we may never meet face to face, I feel like you give inspiration and to all who surround you and feed off the positive energy that you give off. Thank you for all you do for the community.
As much as I understand being skeptic, don’t stop yourself from celebrating. I think everyday we try. We try and try and try to get it right. Sometimes we do all the right things and it’s still not what we want.
Enjoy these moments dude! And tomorrow, let’s hope for another one!
May I echo my buddy G-Money? Celebrate man! That is fantastic!