Purpose
There is no escaping reason; no denying purpose. Because as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist. It is purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us. That guides us. That drives us. It is purpose that defines us. Purpose that binds us. We are here because of you, Mr Anderson. We’re here to take from you what you tried to take from us….Purpose.
I often wonder what it is I hope to accomplish with all of this Internet excitement I’ve engaged in in the past months. I started this blog as a means to voice my fears, frustrations, and other apprehensive based nouns anonymously as a means of coping and eventually connecting with other people facing similar struggles living with Diabetes. I suppose in that sense, mission accomplished. Where’s my banner?
As rewarding as it has been, and continues to be to connect with you all 140 characters at a time, I wonder if I’m making a difference. Do I have meaning beyond these posts? Am I resonating with my readers? Are my words inspiring enough for others compared to the blogs that I have found that have inspired me?
And then you throw in this whole Editorial for TAG business. I would be doing my video game posts regardless of the recognition I have received from the Big-Wigs at Talking About Games but now that I am associated with that site I have become more critical of my work. More criticism leads to more doubt about my ability. I wonder if this is worth all the effort, am I accomplishing anything by this? Am I good enough? Now I’m a co-host of a podcast, no pressure there.
I just don’t know what I want to accomplish through all of this. Through the blog, my editorials, and now my voice on the podcast. What do I want my legacy to be when I sign off for the last time? What will it actually be? Will I even be remembered? I’m sure it’s probably better that I do not have a clearly defined direction right now and just “go with the flow” but it’s that uncertainty that worries me. It’s that uncertainty that prevents me from sleeping some nights. It’s that uncertainty that grows into unrelenting self doubt and criticism.
I know this post sounds like a plea for praise, but that’s not what it is. Even as I edit this post for grammar mistakes that I’ll likely overlook I am hesitant to schedule it for publishing. I’m just putting down some thoughts that have been floating around at an unwanted frequency lately. I’m just afraid that I’m not good enough, not just here or on TAG, but in general. In life. I’m afraid that I will never be good enough.
Sometimes it helps to just get it out of our head and onto the computer screen or paper. I believe that self evaluation means you are doing something right. Just like your annual review at work is done to see how your performance has been. It’s crucial for us to do the same thing with ourselves in our personal lives. I think you’re doing great. Keep going because you never know who’s blog stalking and something you post could change their life forever.
SSM is SO right: “I believe that self evaluation means you are doing something right. ”
You are questioning, pondering, wondering. That leads to self realization. You are learning. And eventually you move forward. What else can we do?
Acknowledging your own thoughts, fears and worries helps to move forward in life. It’s a journey. Enjoy it. Even with doubts, Enjoy it.
I ask why a blog needs a purpose? Do you feel better after getting something out of your head and into words (which is a therapeutic exercise in my opinion)? Then that is what it is doing!
If you know that there are many fans out there (like me), who enjoy reading your stuff, get grins and laughs from it most of the time (like me), and sometimes gain much from your perspective (we all have one) and insights (like me).
Booya #300.
And maybe I can actually complete a thought or two while I’m at #301.
Anyways, I’m saying that you being you is serving many more people than you might think.
I agree with all of the above. I went thru some writing classes 4 yrs ago that reminded me why I want to get my thoughts “out there” and what I also get from reading posts like yours…it wasn’t a great big “ah ha” but a reminder…we want to know we’re not alone on this journey. And, with diabetes, we all know how lonely it can feel…that we think we are the only ones or the only family going thru what we are going thru. Thanks for sharing…I agree with SSM…you never know who you are helping while you also sort out your thoughts about the D. I also admire you for posting daily!! I have several ideas in my head for blogs, but not enough time this summer. I hope to catch up soon before they take over my thoughts:)
Here’s the thing as I see it. You’re expressing what’s happening with the big D and how you feel about it. And many of us share the same feelings though we may not be able to express them as well. Reading what you’re saying gives us a chance to say “That’s it and I’ve been there” and in our connection we find that we’re not as alone as we may think. If you’ve solved a problem that you’re struggling with one of your readers can share in your insight.
So keep up the great writing, it really does make a difference.