As my endocrinologist appointment approaches later this summer and I prepare to start wearing an insulin pump for the first time, I’ve noticed a new range of thoughts and emotions around the upcoming change to my diabetes management. I’ll try to lay it out, but I must warn you: my mind works in mysterious ways.
It goes something like this:
- Wearing an insulin pump is an open display of my diabetes
- This isn’t exactly new to me as I’ve been wearing my Dexcom sensor on my arms for years now
- But this will be different in that it will not be as easy to contain the visibility of the pump, the tubing, or other components I’m forgetting
- On one hand, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing – see #showmeyourpump
- But this will still be new to me
- I don’t care
- But I do
- To be more specific, I don’t care what people will say or think if they see my insulin pump
- But I have to actively not care about caring what people will say or think if they see my insulin pump
I’m not anticipating ridicule or persecution or anything like that, but I think I’m going to need some emotional training to go along with my technical training when I start using this thing. Thus, the mental jui-jitsu referenced in the title…this could get tricky.
I remember when I used to go to the bathroom to take my insulin injections when I was first diagnosed. I remember injecting insulin under the dinner table so no one had to see my insulin pens. I remember going out of my way to make my diabetes comfortable for everyone else to be around instead of putting my health above all. Yes, things will be easier with a pump now that insulin will be a few button presses away, but I’m still anticipating/dreading…dreanticipating? all of the new adjustments I’m going to need to make to my life to get along with this new device.